Betrayal of any kind is a terrible thing to experience, but betrayal within the sacred vows of marriage is heartrending. Your entire world shatters as you come to realize that everything you once believed is a lie. It’s a confusing, overwhelming time when even simple tasks seem to require impossible energy.

When a friend experiences this kind of pain, it’s hard to know how to help—what to say, what to do.

In the first article in this series, I shared the feelings of betrayal and the myriad of emotions assaulting a person going through this pain. I shared the story of losing my marriage and how I felt during that time. It is my intent with the first article to help you understand how your friend feels. You can read it HERE.

Today I will list several practical, everyday ways you can help your friend cope. This list was compiled from my own experience, as well as the experiences of other women who have gone through betrayal in their marriages.

One thing before we dive into the list—women in this situation may find it very difficult to ask for help. We feel like we’re being a burden, and we will often try to solve problems on our own, even though friends have said things like, “call me anytime” or “let me know how I can help.” We DO need the help, even if we find it hard to ask for it.

Practical ways to help a friend whose spouse has been unfaithful:

1. Help with food, especially in the first days and weeks after finding out about her husband’s betrayal. Like I mentioned above, even simple tasks are monumental during this time. It’s all she can do to keep herself and her children dressed and fed. Text her that you’re dropping off a casserole for supper. Prepare meals she can pull out of the freezer. Grab some premade items for her kids’ school lunches, and while you’re at it, buy her favorite treat.

2. Offer to run errands, pick up groceries, or babysit her kids if she would rather run the errands herself. Throughout your week, check with her to see if she needs you to pick up anything if you are heading out.

3. Send LOTS of encouragement her way. Text verses of encouragement. Save inspirational memes to your phone and send them to her. Write cards and notes of encouragement. If you don’t know what to write, simply saying “I love you, I’m here for you, I’m praying for you” will be enough. (On a personal note, I have every single card, letter, and note that was sent to me during this time in my life. I cherish these tangible expressions of love.)

4. Be willing to listen without judgment. “What you should have done” conversations are not helpful and only rub salt in her open wounds.

5. Be very careful about giving her advice. Usually the best practice is to let lawyers give legal advice, and let qualified counselors give marriage advice. Be willing to listen and love without necessarily telling her what she should do. The same goes for her children. If they want to talk about the situation with you, ask permission from your friend first.

6. Don’t allow others to speak badly about your friend. It’s very easy for people outside the situation to judge, and these hurtful comments often get back to her. She does not need any more pain on top of what she is already going through.

7. Look for ways to boost her self-esteem. Compliment her, give her a gift card to get her hair or nails done, or buy a small thinking-of-you gift. I as I mentioned in my previous article, she feels extremely unattractive and blames herself for her husband’s sin.

8. Check in with her often. Perhaps even arrange a signal (such as a certain emoji) that she can text you if she feels desperate and needs to talk.

The rest of the list includes ways you can help if your friend loses her marriage.

9. Offer to attend court or to sit with her as she meets with lawyers. The legalities of divorce and child custody are extremely stressful, and she desperately needs support during this time.

10. Realize that in a divorce, she doesn’t just lose her husband. She loses his family, many mutual friendships, and the family gatherings and holidays she’s always been a part of.

11. Remember that all the household chores now fall to her. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, and homework duty must be taken care of by her. Add to that mowing, lawn care, upkeep of the house and car, and snow shoveling in winter. If you (or your husband or church family) can help in any of these areas, she will greatly appreciate it.

12. Offer to help with transportation. Even in a two-parent family, it’s difficult to get all the kids to and from school, church, and sports events. It’s doubly difficult for a single mom.

13. In a split-custody situation, check to see that she’s not alone on the holidays when she doesn’t have her children. If she is, invite her to your family gathering. (Christmas is especially hard without her children.)

14. Having a plan for emergencies will be a big relief for her. Help her make one. Who can she call if she gets a flat tire or her car breaks down? Who can help if the furnace suddenly stops working in the middle of the night? Who can assist if she has sick kids and can’t get the day off work? Put together a list of willing friends who are able to volunteer. (True story—I had a gas leak at 10pm one night. The pilot light to my gas water heater was lit, and my boys and I ran outside until I was able to get my brother on the phone and followed his directions to turn the gas off. The next day a deacon from our church capped the gas line and installed an electric water heater by the time I got home from work. Your superheroes may wear capes, but mine mostly wear jeans and flannel shirts.) 🙂

15. Help her kids buy or make cards or gifts for Mother’s Day and her birthday. Until they are older, they will need help in making her day special.

16. If she has boys, help her connect them with men who can do “guy things” with them. Sports, hunting, fishing, hiking, camping, etc. are things they might miss out on. They need positive male role models in their lives.

17. At church gatherings, save a seat for your friend. It is overwhelming and painful to be single in a sea of couples and families, especially in the first few weeks and months following separation or divorce.

18. Be aware that school and sporting events are particularly hard, since her former husband (and often his new girlfriend/wife) are in attendance. One woman shared how her friends would surround her “like a wall” at sporting events, and how it really helped to have their support when she had to be in the same place as her ex husband and his affair partner.

19. Encourage her to do “fun” things. Healing and joy will be a long time in coming, but “pockets of fun,” such as attending a movie or concert or having a girls’ day out, will remind her that there is joy up ahead.

20. Finally—-pray, pray pray. Whenever she comes to mind, pray for her, and let her know that you’re praying.

At the time of this writing, I’ve been a single mum for 6 1/2 years, and I’m so very thankful for the friends, family, and churches (both my church in Australia and my church here in Missouri) who have helped me get through this difficult time. With the Lord by my side and the support around me, I have come to a place of comfort, healing, and joy.

Your friend will get through this—there is light at the end of the tunnel. She will one day find true joy and healing.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being there for her.

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

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“How can I help my friend? Her husband has been unfaithful to her.” It’s a question that lands in my inbox all too often. I’ve hesitated to write openly about this subject, not because I don’t want to help, but because it requires me to revisit parts of my past that I’d rather leave buried.

But God never wastes pain, and I believe it’s time for me to allow Him to use even these parts of my past for His glory.

Before I begin, I want you to know I’m not a licensed counselor. My school is the school of experience, and the degrees I’ve earned are the scars on my heart. God has brought me to a place of healing, and I share my story with the prayer that it will help others come to that same place of healing.

In 2014, I lost my 16-year marriage to adultery. My husband and I were heavily involved in church and Christian school ministries, and of course those ministries came to an abrupt end. We lived in Australia at the time, and my three sons and I moved back to the States to start over.

Not only did I have to deal with the betrayal and shame of losing my marriage, I also had to help my boys cope with the separation and subsequent divorce, and losing their friends, school, church, home, and native country all in one fell swoop. Add to that the stress of looking for a job, a place to live, and a thousand other details of moving internationally, and I was broken.

No, broken isn’t the right word. I was shattered.

Into so many pieces I feared I would never be whole again.

But through the all-sufficient grace and love of Jesus, and with the faithful help of my friends and family, I now live a life filled with peace and joy. My purpose with this blog post is to give you insight into ways you can help someone living in the aftermath of of their spouse’s adultery.

Although this article is focusing on how you can help others, I’ll also post quick links below to four articles I’ve written on healing—a series is called Silver Linings: Reflections in a Broken Marriage. You can access them here:

It’s Okay to Protect Yourself so You can Heal

In Order to Heal, You must Grieve

Healing Involves Choices

You Won’t Always Feel This Way

In the following paragraphs, I’ll attempt to give you a glimpse into the heart of one who has been betrayed. Please don’t feel like you are unable to help a friend just because you haven’t experienced what she is going through. None of my close friends in Australia experienced adultery, but God used them in amazing ways to help me. Their love was a balm to my broken heart.

Today I’ll share three things your friend is feeling, and three ways you can help her cope with these feelings. In Part Two, I’ll share more practical ways you can encourage her.

One: She feels INTENSE emotional pain.

It’s extremely difficult to fully describe the feelings of betrayal in marriage. I once had a friend ask me how it felt. I said this:

You know those beautiful glass sculptures? Imagine someone swinging a hammer into one, and it splinters into thousands of pieces. The sound of those pieces shattering and raining down—if the pain of my heart had a sound, that would be it. It’s the sound my heart makes every waking moment. The hammer just keeps smashing, and the pieces just keep breaking.

Another way to describe it is this:

It’s like trusting the one you love most to keep you from falling over a steep cliff. He held your hands, looked deeply into your eyes, and pledged that he would never, ever let you fall. He even said he would die for you. But when you stumbled, he didn’t just move out of the way to let you fall over the cliff.

He pushed you.

These are hard descriptions to read, I know. But this is what your friend is feeling. She has been betrayed in the most intimate area of her life, and now she wonders if she ever was truly loved, or if her entire marriage relationship was a lie.

What you can do to help:

Be there for her, grieve with her, hold her, cry with her, and share her pain.

I know it sounds cliche to say, Be there for her. But hear me when I say, she needs you. She cannot carry this intense pain on her own. Our bodies were not created to cope with death (God created Adam and Eve to live in a perfect world), and adultery is the death of trust, the death of a relationship, and often the death of a marriage. We cannot cope with death on our own.

Don’t be afraid to cry with her. She will gain strength from your tears.

I will never forget how my pastor had to pull his car over to the side of the road because he couldn’t see through the tears he shed for me and my family. And I’ll never forget how two of my friends stood in a blackberry patch, pleading with God to help me. Rain began to pour as tears slid down their cheeks, but they stood in the rain, praying and crying for me.

Share your friend’s grief and pain. Your tears will help her heal.

Two: She feels completely unattractive.

I’m not talking about the annoyance of having a bad hair day, or the dissatisfaction we feel when we’ve gained a few pounds. I’m talking about looking in the mirror and absolutely loathing what you see. I’m talking about standing in the shower and hating every inch of yourself. I’m talking about crying gut-wrenching, soul-rending sobs, thinking if I just looked better, he wouldn’t have done it.

(Which is a complete lie, by the way. Adultery isn’t the result of not having an attractive partner or not having one’s needs met. It’s a matter of having a sexual, addictive sin that one refuses to confront.) I know those things now, but I didn’t then, and it took me a long time to accept the fact that the sins of another person/people were not my fault.

What you can do to help:

Reassure your friend that she is both beautiful and loved. Tell her in person, in cards, in text messages. It will be a long time before she believes you, but keep telling her until she does. She may be doubting the love of God, and one of the ways He assures her of His love is through YOU.

Three: She feels physically disoriented, and may need reminders to take care of herself.

I am in no way anorexic, but in the days following our family’s tragedy, I was nearly unable to eat. I simply couldn’t tolerate food, and I dropped six pounds in less than 48 hours. One of my friends noticed, and she did something about it.

Knowing my favorite snack was salted cashews, she bought me a small bag and slipped it to me. She asked to me try to eat one every once in awhile to see if it would coax me back into eating.

It worked. To this day, when I see a bag of cashews, I remember my sweet friend and how she helped get nutrition into my body when I was in too much anguish to care about eating.

In closing, I’d like to share a couple verses that sum up all these things.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

When experiencing the betrayal of a spouse, the temptation to give up on life—on everything—is very strong. Your friend will not have the desire to get up again when she stumbles. She will have days where she just wants to lie in the mud where she fell and die.

That’s why it’s so important that you stay by her side. She will fall, and if you’re there to help her up, she’ll be okay.

Don’t leave her alone.

“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” (II Corinthians 1:3-4)

To access ordering information for Gems of Joy, Volume 1, click HERE.

To access ordering information for Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

To download a free chapter + study guide from Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

For weekly encouragement sent straight to your inbox, click HERE.

I’m forgetful.

I’d like to blame it on busyness, but truthfully, I’ve always struggled with forgetting things. To make sure I don’t miss appointments, deadlines, or any of the multitude of church and sports activities we’re involved in, I keep a master calendar in my kitchen, as well as a detailed planner on my desk.

Without my written reminders, I would be a basket case! 🙂

The truth is, we humans tend to forget things, and it’s not just where we put the car keys or what time we’re supposed to be at the dentist.

We also fail to remember more important things—like the ways God has blessed and worked in our lives. God knows this, and that’s why He commanded His people to create visual reminders of the great things He had done for them.

After God parted the waters of the Jordan River, allowing the Israelites to walk across on dry ground, God commanded Joshua to build a memorial of twelve stones taken from the middle of the river. This memorial would remind them in years to come how God miraculously brought His people into the Promised Land.

Throughout the Old Testament, God instituted many feasts and celebrations for the same purpose—to remind His children of His love, protection, and care. In the New Testament, we are given two visual reminders which symbolize the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

The first is the baptism of believers, illustrating the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, and the second is communion. Partaking of communion regularly reminds us of how Jesus gave His body and blood for us on the cross.

Without visual reminders, we tend to forget the wonderful things God has done for us.

Which brings me to the benefits of keeping a blessing journal.

My blessing journal is separate from my prayer journal, although some people combine the two. I use a loose leaf notebook for my prayer journal, because I regularly change things in it—adding or taking out prayer requests throughout the year.

My blessing journal, on the other hand, is a bound notebook in which I write answers to prayer, unexpected blessings, or awesome things God drops into my lap. 🙂

It doesn’t matter how big or small these things are (the first entry for 2021 was four red cardinals hopping around on my deck), I write them all down.

Even though 2020 was a tough year for us with the loss of my sister-in-law, as well as bringing hardship to our church and school ministries due to the coronavirus, I was amazed when I read back through my blessing journal on New Years Day.

Here are just a few of the entries:

• A monetary gift allowing my son to see an ear specialist
• The complete healing of my son’s ear pain (which had lasted FOUR years!) after seeing this specialist
• The baptism of three special friends of mine
• Healing for a burn on my hand
• Family members coming through various surgeries with great results
• The salvation of a sweet little boy in my church
• Having breakfast with my 90-year-old grandma and taking her for a drive to see the spring flowers
• Healing for an eye injury I suffered
• People stopping to help me when I had a flat tire on the highway
• LOTS of gifts of food during the quarantine, including beef, chicken, cheese, milk, yogurt, and fruit. (Someone must know how my boys like to eat!) 🙂
• The safe arrival of a new baby in our church
• Pumpkins from my boss at work to decorate my house for autumn (I’m telling you, these “little” things make me so happy!)
• ALL of our neighbors accepting Christmas cookies and tracts, in spite of coronavirus fears in our country

I can’t tell you what a blessing it was to read back through all the answered prayers! Some entries brought tears, as I remembered the way God gave us strength at the hospital the day we lost Christie. Others brought laughter as I recalled crazy, happy times with my boys.

But ALL of the entries in my blessing journal brought joy, as I looked back at the dozens and dozens of ways God blessed me in 2020. I encourage you to start your own blessing journal, and experience the benefits as well.

Regularly recording the blessings of God will do three things for you.

First: It will help you to be more attentive and grateful for the goodness of God in your life.

It’s amazing how keeping a close lookout for the hand of God enables us to see His hand in everything. For instance, would I have seen the hand of God in four scarlet cardinals hopping around on my deck had I not been watching? I may have smiled and enjoyed their antics, but pausing to write this blessing down enabled me to enjoy it even more.

Second: It will help you remember things you would otherwise forget.

Like I mentioned before, we are a forgetful people. When my three boys were babies and toddlers, I kept baby books for them, writing down funny things they would say and do. Looking back through those books now, I usually say something along the lines of, “Oh that’s right! I forgot they used to do that!” Even when we think we won’t forget something, we invariably do forget.

Three: Looking back on how God brought you through the past will help you trust Him for the present and future.

Whenever I’m tempted to worry about the material needs that we have, I like to look back at my journal during my first year as a single mum. That was one of the most stressful times of my life, and many times my heart twisted in worry over how I would provide for myself and my sons.

But time after time, God provided in miraculous ways. He opened up the perfect job for me, and a car was given to us. An anonymous donor paid for my boys to attend our Christian school until I was able to get back on my feet financially. God supplied a house for us to live in, and met every single one of our needs. Looking back at that time in my life reminds me that God has always taken care of us, and that He won’t stop now.

Keeping a blessing journal isn’t difficult, and the benefits from the simple process of recording your blessings and answered prayers will enrich your life. I encourage you to grab a pretty notebook or journal the next time you’re out shopping and start your own. You’ll be amazed at how it blesses you!

“Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.”

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” (Psalm 103:1-2)

For information on my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

We were all hoping for a better year in 2021, right?

A year without the tensions and turmoil of 2020.

A return to at least a little bit of normalcy and less worry, frustration, and fear.

And…..the first week of 2021 erupted like an angry volcano. Although it’s not surprising that our problems followed us into this year, it IS disappointing.

In the midst of the turmoil we’re facing, it is possible to have peace. Our peace is not dependent upon the absence of problems, but upon the presence of Jesus. God’s Word promises peace in the storms, but did you know that you play a vital role in experiencing that peace?

Just as it’s possible for me to starve when my kitchen is stocked with food if I don’t partake of that food, so I can lack the peace I need even when it is within my grasp.

God’s Word encourages us to seek and pursue peace.

“Depart from evil, and do good: seek peace, and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:14) As this verse points out, we have an active role in experiencing peace.

We simply cannot expect to have the peace of God in our lives if we do nothing to pursue that peace. With that in mind, let’s look at five practical ways we can seek peace in our lives today, this week, and throughout the rest of this year—no matter what the year brings.

One: Listen to the words of Jesus.

In Mark 6, we read the account of Jesus walking upon the water during a storm. His disciples cried out in fear when they saw Him, believing Him to be a fearful spirit. Immediately, Jesus calmed them with these words, “Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.” (Mark 6:50)

To experience peace in our lives, we must literally flood our hearts and minds with the words of Jesus. Make sure that nothing keeps you from your daily quiet time with the Lord, and meditate upon His words throughout the day.

Write His words on sticky notes and post them in your home and work space. Download a Scripture app for your phone and instead of checking social media when you have a free minute, read your verse of the day. You can even listen to an audio Bible while driving or doing chores around your home. In this day of technology, there are many ways to keep God’s Word close at hand.

The more you saturate your life with the words of Jesus, the more peace you will experience.

Two: Limit your intake of distressing news.

I may step on a few toes, but please hear my heart in this matter. Yes, we should be informed of current events. Yes, we should know what’s going on so we can pray effectively.

But a steady, hour-to-hour diet of constant news is not good for anyone. I had to chuckle a few months ago as I was talking to a pastor about this very thing. In reference to constantly keeping the TV blaring, he said, “I check the news for about five minutes a day, and I know just as much as people who sit in front of their TV all day.”

It’s true—most of the news is simply rehashing and discussing what’s already happened, often in a very negative way. (After all, bad news sells.) This constant stream of negativity into your life will produce worry, anxiety, and distress.

On the other hand, purposefully dwelling on good things will help us think positively. Philippians 4:8 says it like this, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Three: Pray with your eyes on Almighty God, not the problems.

It is well and good to pray through the problems we are facing—on a national level, as well as a personal level—but when we allow ourselves to focus on the problem instead of our all-sufficient, all-powerful, in-control Heavenly Father, we can “pray ourselves out of faith.”

I think we’ve all been there. We started our prayer time with the earnest desire to bring our burdens and requests to the Lord. But somewhere between the “Dear Heavenly Father” and the “Amen” we got our eyes off Jesus and back on the gigantic mountain of a problem looming over us. We may have laid our burden at the feet of Jesus for a few moments in our prayer room, but we picked it up and carried it out with us when we left.

Remember just how mighty your God is. The God Who created spinning galaxies, towering mountains, foaming oceans, and millions upon millions of stars is not worried by the turmoil of this world. Focus on Him as you pray.

“Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.” (Psalm 147:5)

Four: Utilize God’s gift of music.

Music is a powerful and precious gift from God. The right music can be calming, encouraging, and uplifting.

God often gives me a particular song during difficult times of my life. In the aftermath of losing my marriage, one of my sons played the same song every night when he went to bed. The music drifted to my room where I lay, grieving and praying. To this day, Just Be Held brings to mind the comforting arms of Jesus and how He carried me through that time.

When you feel worry welling up within you and the peace of God seems to elude you, try listening to uplifting songs that speak to the power, glory, and goodness of God. The combination of beautiful melodies and encouraging lyrics will help lift your spirit and keep you in tune with God.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:16)

Five: Try to get out into the beauty of God’s nature at least once a day.

When the world seems to be spinning out of control, taking a walk (even if only for a few minutes) helps refresh your spirit. The twittering of birds, the gentle breeze, and the bright sunshine are just a few of the gifts of nature God can use to calm your soul.

My son Kyle recently told me why he loves to go outside to pray. “Nature reminds me of how God is constant. Nothing the politicians or governments do can change the things of nature. They can’t change the way millions of stars shine, or the sun sets, or the moon rises. They can’t change the ocean tides or the seasons. It reminds me that God is in control, not the people in the world.”

When you are overwhelmed with the craziness taking place in our world, go outside and remind yourself Who is really in charge of this world.

In Summary:

Yes, this world will threaten to steal our peace in 2021, just as it has every year since the beginning of time. But there are steps we can take to pursue peace. Listen to the words of Jesus—saturate your life with them. Limit your intake of distressing news. Pray with your eyes on God, and allow God to use music and nature to calm you.

Be blessed, my friend! May the peace of Jesus surround you today and every day.

“The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:

The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)

For information on my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

Usually I gain a few holiday pounds during the Christmas season. I enjoy baking, cooking, and indulging in all the extra holiday treats at family gatherings and parties. But….this year was different.

Although I never had an official diagnosis (I figured it may have been some kind of virus, since it disappeared after a week), I experienced pain along the right side of my jaw, throat, and radiating up to my ear. Eating food brought searing pain instead of enjoyment.

I still enjoyed decorating Christmas cookies with my boys, but being unable to nibble on the delicious treats was SO disappointing! It definitely took some of the sparkle out of our yearly tradition.

As I made our favorite dark chocolate fudge, I tried a tiny bit.

I paid for it when the pain of chewing made my eyes well up with tears. What??? No fudge for Christmas?

At our Christmas Eve family gathering, I carefully ate a few tablespoons of food, cut into small pieces. Christmas Day I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, absolutely starving. But realizing that a trek out to the kitchen for a bite to eat would only result in more pain, I rolled over and eventually went back to sleep.

After a few days, my pain lessened and I was able to eat normally again. At our New Year’s party, I took great delight in partaking in a host of sweet treats! 🙂

But that week of being unable to eat while EVERYONE around me was feasting?

Well, that was NOT fun.

Watching my friends and family eating with great pleasure only heightened the empty feeling in my stomach.

That’s the way of pain, isn’t it? The joy of others can send us spiraling into more pain, even when we fight against it.

I’ve seen this pain in the unshed tears of the woman whose arms are still empty after years of praying, while she sits quietly through yet another baby shower. Yes, she’s happy for her friend, but her heart aches with unfulfilled dreams of motherhood.

I’ve seen this pain in the eyes of the girl who has worn many bridesmaids dresses, but no bridal gown. The years keep passing, and still she goes home alone every night, wondering if God has forgotten her.

I’ve seen this pain on the worn faces of sweet widows at anniversary celebrations. They smile and offer their congratulations, but their hearts ache for their loved ones gone before them into Heaven.

And I’ve experienced the pain of slipping off my wedding ring for the last time, then going to church and seeing a man slip his arm around his wife and pull her close. Yes, I was happy for them. But their joy seemed to make the pain of my heart cut deeper.

My friend, I’m here to tell you there is One Who understands your pain. Jesus left the bliss and beauty of Heaven to come to earth to save us. And while He was here, He suffered every pain we experience.

Although He could have whisked away all the physical and emotional pain He faced, He chose to endure it. He suffered loss, betrayal, and distrust. He offered His love freely and was rejected, mocked, and abused. Eventually He was crucified, enduring unimaginable physical pain.

Scripture tells us that because Jesus experienced everything we face, He is able to help us.

“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16)

Jesus is able to comfort you in your pain, because He has already gone through it. He knows the ache of loneliness, the sting of betrayal, and the pain of rejection.

He knows.

And not only does He know, He will one day erase that pain for all of eternity.

We read in Revelation 21:4, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away.”

All the pain that fills your heart today won’t even be a memory. It will be forever gone.

I once heard a preacher describe eternity this way:

Imagine if a sparrow had the strength to fly around the earth without stopping for years on end. Each time the sparrow flies over Mount Everest, it touches the tip of its wing on the top of the mountain. Then it flies another circuit around the entire world.

When Mount Everest is worn flat from the feathers of the sparrow’s wing, eternity has just begun.

Yes, the pain cuts deep today. But one day, it will be gone forever.

And until that day, Jesus our Comforter holds us safe in His arms.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)

For information on my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

The moment we looked out the window of our home in northern Wisconsin, my two brothers and I knew we had to try it. Freezing rain had coated the world in a dangerous, but beckoning, layer of ice. Trees bent under the icy weight, glistening in the bright sunlight. The steep hill beside our house was covered in a thick layer of sheer ice.

You’d think we were little kids (we were actually home from college on Christmas break) the way we scrambled to get out the door. We just HAD to slide down that hill on the ice.

We did run into one small problem, though. We couldn’t find any sleds. Growing up in the north, we’d always had plenty of them stacked in the basement or garage. But over the years the supply had dwindled, and on this day we couldn’t find a single one.

No worries! We discovered a large sheet of corrugated iron out behind the house. Yeah, this would be safe. 🙂

Digging our heels into the ice, we carefully climbed to the top of the hill, dragging our makeshift sled. At the top we gingerly sat on the freezing metal while holding ourselves in place.

On the count of three, we pulled our legs and arms in.

What happened next is one big blur. We flew down the steep incline breathtakingly fast. The hill seemed not only sheathed in ice, but coated in wax. There was absolutely NO WAY we were going to stop before reaching the bottom.

We landed in the ditch below in perfect formation—one, two, three of us in the exact order we had started in. But something was missing.

We looked back up the hill and collapsed in fits of laughter. That old piece of corrugated iron had snagged on a tuft of grass poking up through the ice about halfway down the hill. It stuck fast.

But WE continued flying down the hill. The treacherous ice, combined with the momentum of our bodies, shot us straight to the bottom.

No sled needed.

Momentum is a powerful force.

Nowhere is it more powerful than in the area of temptation. All it takes is one little decision—one step toward the temptation—for momentum to build until we are unable to stop it. Just as my brothers and I were unable to stop ourselves on the icy hill, so temptation becomes so strong that we are unable to resist.

King David’s life is an example of this. From his palace roof, he watched another man’s wife bathing. He should have immediately removed himself from his vantage point, but he didn’t. He took one step after another until the momentum of his actions became a destructive force that affected his kingdom from that point on.

He sent for Bathsheba, committed adultery with her, and ultimately plotted the murder of her husband to cover up his actions. Could he have stopped the momentum of this temptation? Yes, if he would have chosen differently at the very beginning.

Once we begin to take steps toward temptation, it is very hard to stop.

Let’s illustrate with a somewhat silly story.

Jane is trying to lose weight. She’s drinking water, taking daily walks, and eating sensibly. For a couple of weeks, all goes well.

Then one afternoon she is at the supermarket picking up the week’s groceries. Pulling a gallon of milk out of the cooler, she glances across the aisle.

And the cookie aisle beckons.

Particularly the packages of Oreos stacked neatly on the shelf.

Jane LOVES Oreos. She finds herself standing in front of the brightly-colored packages, imagining dunking one into a cold glass of milk.

She ponders a moment. Surely just one Oreo won’t do any harm? Yes, didn’t she hear something about diets being more effective when you allow yourself one treat now and then? That’s what she’d do. Just one Oreo tonight after dinner. Just one.

Jane slipped the package into the shopping cart next to the milk. No harm done.

But you know the rest of the story. One Oreo after dinner turned into the whole package while watching a Hallmark movie.

When did Jane lose the battle?

Not when she binged on the whole package, but when she bought the cookies at the store.

It’s the same way with sinful temptation. We lose the battle the moment we make it easy for ourselves to sin—the moment we take that first step.

So what are we to do? How can we fight the momentum of temptation?

First, arm yourself with God’s Word. Find verses that speak of fighting temptation, write them down, and carry them with you. Scripture is powerful. When you are tempted, pull out the weapon of God’s Word.

Second, make it hard for the sin to happen. Avoid the people, places, and things that will tempt you. Put literal roadblocks in your way. Don’t put yourself in a position where the sin is within your grasp.

Third, find an accountability partner to pray with you and hold you accountable. Give them permission to text or call (every day if need be) to check up on you. It’s amazing how much the act of accountability affects the choices we make.

In short, make decisions that will give you the victory before the battle starts. God has not left us without help in the area of temptation. He has given us everything we need to successfully fight off the attacks of the devil.

But we have to make good choices before the momentum of temptation builds.

“Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:

To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward (perverse) things;

Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness.” (Proverbs 2:11-13)

For ordering information on my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

Although we are in no way experts, my sons and I have become the resident fact-checkers in our church and school for all things Australian. We’ve been in the States for nearly six years, but we lived in Australia for sixteen years before moving to the Missouri Ozarks. Since we have firsthand knowledge of Australia, people often come to us with questions.

Usually it’s regarding something they’ve seen on social media. Since we all know how accurate the Internet is, I can’t say I blame them for questioning what they see and read. Last week a friend asked me about a picture he’d seen of spider webs covering a field in Australia. Yep, that one was real. (But I won’t delve too far into the subject of spiders, lest I lose you!) 🙂

Another friend watched a cooking channel where the host used Vegemite, and wanted to know about the thick, black paste. Did we really eat that stuff????

Yep, we did, and we still do. In fact, we’re planning to take a toaster and Vegemite to a school sports event and give out samples of Vegemite toast to all who dare. 🙂

Why do people ask us about Australia? Why don’t they just Google the facts? A simple search would most likely produce hundreds of websites discussing their question.

Because they know it’s better to ask someone who’s been there—someone who has seen the truth with their own eyes.

My friend, do you want the complete, total, and unaltered truth about this world?

Then go to the Source.

Do you want to know how the the earth came into being? Ask the Creator. Do you want to know why mankind acts the way they do? Go to the One Who can see into their hearts. Read for yourself His Word, clearly outlining the creation, fall, and self-destructive tendencies of man. Do you want to know how He made a way for all men to be saved? It’s all written clearly in God’s Word.

That’s great, Kim, you may be thinking. I trust what God has said in the Bible. I know that to be true. But what about the deception that permeates the world today? How do we know who to believe?

That’s a great question.

I think it’s safe to say most of us are exhausted by the constant misinformation assaulting us in the world today. What should we believe? Who is speaking the truth? How do we know what they are saying is true?

Again, we must go to the Source of all truth. No, we don’t have a list in the Bible telling us which politicians are lying to us or which friends will deceive us, but God does give us principles to follow in our search for truth.

Let’s take a quick look at two of these principles which will help us decipher if a person is speaking to us truthfully—whether that person is on the nightly news or in the house next door.

First, look at their track record.

What do I mean by this? Simply put, does this person have a history of truth or deception? I don’t just mean blatant lying. Do they have a tendency to stretch the truth, or tell “white” lies? Do they constantly exaggerate? When you hear the same story from another source, are the facts different?

Proverbs 12:19 tells us, “The lip of truth shall be established forever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” In other words, the truth holds up. In looking at this person, can you see that their words have “held up” over time? Or are they often proven wrong?

Second, look at their fruits.

We read in Matthew 7:15-17, “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.”

A person can talk all they want, but the fruit of their life will either prove or disprove the words of their lips. It’s impossible to cover a lie forever; eventually the truth comes out. At times, we must wait for the truth. After all, a tree doesn’t bear its fruit instantly. But in time, fruit appears and we learn the truth.

As we wrap up this post, I’d like to share a couple things in regards to social media. There are two verses we would do well to follow before believing and/or commenting on the things we read online.

“The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.” (Proverbs 14:15) My friend, be very careful before believing a claim on social media. It’s easy to twist words, edit photographs and videos, and make something look true when it is not. Remember, it’s okay to wait awhile before believing something you see. The longer we wait, the more facts emerge, and the more we will know what to believe.

“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” (Proverbs 18:13) I’m not certain, but I think God may have had Facebook in mind when He wrote this verse! How many times have we typed out a scathing comment, only to find out later the “facts” were entirely different? Again, it’s okay to wait. The world will not cease to rotate if we fail to share our opinion on the matter at that very moment. 🙂

It’s a crazy world out there—no one will deny that. But in the midst of all the deception, we have the truth of God’s Word to stand upon. In the constantly shifting sands of our times, we have a firm foundation in the Lord Jesus and His Word.

“The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand forever.” (Isaiah 40:8)

For ordering information on my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

During my days as a daycare mama, I became an expert at whipping up quintuple batches of play dough while juggling two babies and eight toddlers. The kiddos gathered around, eager to sink their chubby hands into the soft, warm dough. Their eyes sparkled and their little bodies wiggled as they waited (not-so-patiently!) for the dough to cool enough so they could play with it.

Whenever I made play dough, it struck me how much the process resembled the trials of life.

You see, you must cook the mixture of flour, oil, salt, baking powder and water for exactly the right amount of time. Leave it on the heat for too long, and it’s much too stiff and hard for little hands to mold. But if you cook it for too short a time, it’s a sticky mess—pretty much good for nothing.

And so it is with the trials of life. Deep down inside, we know we need hard times in order to grow strong in the Lord. We understand that God is preparing us to accomplish great works for Him. But oh how we chafe against the heat! And how we wish we could speed up the process!

When God “holds us over the heat” in a fiery trial, it’s easy to get impatient. I get it, Lord, we may pray. I learned the lesson. You can take me out of the fire now!

But still the trial remains, and sometimes even grows worse. As the weeks, months, and years go by, we wonder if God has forgotten us.

I’m sure Joseph felt the same way. His brothers were so jealous of him that they threw him into a deep pit to die. A little while later they changed their minds and hauled him back up. Just as Joseph was about to rejoice, he realized the only reason they pulled him out was to sell him to a traveling band of slave traders.

Nice guys, right?

Joseph was taken to Egypt, where he served as a slave to a man named Potiphar. (When I was a kid, I had a teacher call him Pot-of-Fire. That’s a name you won’t forget!) 🙂 Joseph earned the trust of his new master, and Potiphar made Joseph his second-in-command. Maybe life in Egypt wouldn’t be so bad?

Except that old Pot-of-Fire had a wife who was a spitfire.

She wanted Joseph for herself. When he refused to give in to her seduction, she framed him, and her husband threw him into prison. The Bible doesn’t record Joseph’s thoughts at this point, but I know what mine would have been.

What in the world, Lord? I did the right thing, I KEEP doing the right thing, and I’m STILL THROWN INTO JAIL!

But Joseph didn’t give up in despair. He remained faithful. He won the trust of his superiors once again, and the keeper of the prison committed the rest of the prisoners into his care.

(Are you seeing a pattern here? Joseph’s trial keeps getting worse and worse, but he never gives up. He keeps trusting God and doing the right thing, no matter how hot the fire grows.)

Finally the door to Joseph’s life in prison cracks open slightly—just enough to let in a glimmer of hope. He interprets a dream for one of Pharaoh’s servants, who is then released. Joseph asks the servant to plead his case before Pharaoh.

Maybe, just maybe it was time for him to get out of the fire?

Not quite yet. The servant forgets Joseph for TWO more years.

Finally he remembers Joseph when Pharaoh has a disturbing dream. Joseph interprets the dream and becomes second-in-command to Pharaoh. He catapults from the prison to the throne room of Egypt in the space of a few hours.

But the years in the fire? Well, I’m sure they seemed like an eternity to Joseph.

My friend, I don’t know what trial you’re in today. But I do know this:

God will only keep you over the fire for the exact amount of time it takes to fulfil His purposes. It won’t be too long, and it won’t be too short.

Though you may feel like He’s far away, God is holding you close in your pain. He promises His peace, presence, and provision for your every need. And one day, He will bring you out, like gold purified in the fire.

“But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)

For ordering information on my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

To download a free chapter of Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

Have you ever been walking through your house (or galloping, if you’re a mom on a mission) and slammed your little toe into a piece of furniture? What happens in that moment? The pain stops you, overwhelms you, and causes you to completely change your actions. You may hop around on one foot, howling like a banshee (whatever that is). Or you might stand in complete silence, grasping your foot and biting your tongue until the pain subsides. Or you may scream at the top of your lungs.

But one thing is for certain.

The pain affects you and causes you to do things you were NOT planning on doing mere moments before.

That’s the way of pain. We can’t help but be affected by it. The following points are taken from a sermon preached by my brother, Jim Brooks, seven weeks after losing his wife. He was barely two months into his journey of pain, but felt that God wanted him to share the things he was learning. Though his pain comes from losing his wife at the young age of 40, these truths apply to many types of pain, both physical and emotional. (The points in italics are taken directly from his sermon. The paragraphs below each point are my paraphrase.)

One: Pain brings a natural desire for that pain to be alleviated, and a willingness to do almost anything to lessen the pain.

Be aware that pain will open you up to do things you never thought you’d do in a desperate attempt to dull the pain. This is why so many people spiral into substance abuse and toxic relationships while in emotional pain. Even as Christians, we can turn to “less sinful” behaviors to lessen the pain, such as excessive entertainment, isolation, or eating disorders. These things may dull the pain for awhile, but they cause more pain in the long run. (Proverbs 23:29-35)

Two: Pain can cause you to have a solely inward focus.

While in pain, it’s easy to dwell completely on ourselves. We are the ones suffering after all, right? But this too will bring more pain in the end. We know that one of the best ways to be comforted is to find someone in more pain than yourself and minister to them. Thus focusing completely on ourselves results in keeping us from one of the very things that will help us heal. (II Corinthians 7:13; Acts 20:35)

Three: Pain can cause you to live in isolation.

The devil absolutely knows that we are stronger together. He will do anything he can to keep you from fellow Christians. He will highlight the hypocrisy of fellow believers and whisper the lie that no one has ever gone through what you are feeling. Though isolation might make you feel better in the moment, it certainly won’t contribute to your well-being and healing. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Four: Pain can cause you to lose all vision, goals, and desire for the future.

Pain overwhelms you and makes you think there is no hope for tomorrow. It blinds you and brings despair. It whispers the lie that there is nothing good left to live for—no reason to even get out of bed in the morning. (Proverbs 29:18)

Five: Pain can cause even loving people to lose their compassion.

How many of us have ever tried to help an animal in pain? It’s a dangerous proposition, and a nasty bite is often the result. Even though you are simply trying to help, the animal doesn’t understand and will lash out in its pain. It’s the same with people. Hurting people tend to hurt other people. It’s not an excuse, but it can be a reason. (I Peter 3:8)

Six: Pain can cause you to become suspicious, distrustful, and cynical of those around you.

This point is especially true if you are dealing with emotional pain caused by the sin of another person. Betrayal can make you think everyone will betray you. Lies and gossip can lead you to believe even genuine friendships are fake. A woman and her children may feel that all men will hurt them after being abandoned by their husband and father. It’s easy to become suspicious of everyone when you are hurt by a few people, or even one person. (Psalm 55:12-14, 22)

Seven: Pain can cause foolishness and wisdom to change places in your mind.

We can better understand how wisdom and foolishness change places when we remember Point One—Pain brings a natural desire for that pain to be alleviated, and a willingness to do almost anything to lesson the pain. Because we are desperate to find anything to make us feel better in the moment, wisdom goes flying out the window. We choose to engage in activities that we wouldn’t have considered before, had we not been in pain. (Proverbs 2:6)

Eight: Pain can steal good memories of the past.

This point is vividly seen in the life of Job. Job lost everything—his wealth, his children, his health. Covered from head to toe in painful boils, he sat in ashes and mourned. In extreme physical and emotional pain, he cursed the day of his birth. The pain of his present anguish wiped out every single moment of goodness in his life, and he wanted to die. Our pain can cause us to focus on all the bad things that have happened to us, completely obliterating all the good memories God has given us. (Job 3:1-3)

Nine: Pain can rob you of all hope of the future.

The anguish of present pain can cloud your vision so badly that you believe you have absolutely nothing to look forward to in your life. Not only that, it can dim your view of heaven, making you forget the eternal bliss that awaits you as a child of God. (Job 3:11)

Each of these nine warnings can be summed up by the biggest lie pain tells us:

This pain will last forever.

This is simply not true. As a child of God, the best is ALWAYS yet to come. Even if your life here on earth is marred by pain now, you have all of eternity—with Jesus and and your loved ones—waiting for you. There will be no more pain and anguish. God will wipe all tears from your eyes. Every moment you will be surrounded by the perfect love of Jesus. There will be a million joys we can’t even begin to imagine.

My friend, if you are in pain today, please don’t give up hope. Please know that Jesus holds you close and counts every one of your tears. He will carry you safely through this dark valley and into the light of heaven.

One day you will have no more pain.

“And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” (Revelation 21: 3-4)

To view Pastor Jim’s entire sermon, click HERE.

For ordering information for Tales from Toddlers, click HERE.

Last week my older brother and his beautiful wife celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary. For the first time in a very long time (can I get an “amen” from the ministry wives?) they were able to take a few days off for a romantic getaway. While they explored Texas and rode horses on the beach (yes, I’m a tiny bit jealous) I watched their son Jordan and toddler Lila.

It was the first time two-year-old Lila had been away from mommy overnight, and I was interested to see how the four days and three nights would progress. Thankfully, she was just fine. (To mommy’s relief!) 🙂

There were a lot of things Lila didn’t understand. She didn’t know why or where her parents had gone, but she knew I would take care of her until they came back.

Lila doesn’t know I’ve changed thousands of diapers raising my own boys and then in my career as a daycare mama, but she came to me every time she needed a change, knowing I would take care of the problem.

Lila doesn’t understand the fact that I’ve prepared thousands of meals in my lifetime or how food came to be in my pantry and fridge, but she toddled up to me every time she was hungry, knowing that I could make the empty feeling in her little tummy go away.

Lila didn’t understand where mommy was the night she woke up crying, but she knew I would keep her safe. She climbed into my bed, wrapped her chubby arm around me, and fell back to sleep.

No, Lila didn’t understand much of what was happening those four days and three nights. But she trusted me regardless, because she knows I love her and will keep her safe.

My friend, we too can trust God without understanding all that’s happening.

Oh, I know it’s not easy to trust God when the days are veiled in mist and we can’t see through the darkness. I realize it’s hard to take your hand off the wheel and let God steer when you don’t know where He’s taking you.

There are so many things we don’t understand. We don’t understand why God has taken a loved one away from us, but we can trust that His grace will carry us through.

We certainly don’t understand how God can take our messy, sinful souls and make us clean and pure before Him, but we trust in the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for us. We believe in His atoning work and know we have an eternal home in Heaven.

We may not know how the bills or the mortgage are going to be paid. We may not understand how groceries are going to get on the table. But we can trust the God Who has faithfully supplied our needs to come through for us once again.

And when we’re crying alone in the dark, we may not understand why God hasn’t given us the human comfort we so desperately long for. But we can find true comfort just like little Lila did—by climbing up to One who is there.

My friend, if you’re facing a situation you don’t understand today, you can still trust. As the familiar saying goes, “When you can’t trace God’s hand, trust His heart.”

We can rest in peace, not because we understand, but because He is with us.

“From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2)

If you found encouragement from the above devotional, you may also enjoy my devotional book, Tales from Toddlers. Each day includes a true story like Lila’s, accompanied by Scriptural applications and Bible study. For ordering information, click HERE.