To commemorate my 28th month of being a daycare provider, I’ve put together a list of requirements for those of you who may be considering pursuing this career. Of course, these are not the official requirements for state licensing, but they should be…
Do NOT pursue this career if:
1. You do not have a great appreciation for God’s little creatures. These creatures include (but are not limited to) bugs, beetles, spiders, worms, caterpillars, frogs, and toads. You also need to be OK with touching and holding all said creatures.
2. You get grossed out by strange food combinations, such as dipping grapes in ketchup. It is the unwritten law of all children in the universe that ketchup goes on EVERYTHING.
3. You cannot cope with bodily fluids of every kind. Every kind, people!
4. You cannot use the restroom EXTREMELY fast. We’re talking 20 seconds, 30 max. You may want to skip the coffee.
5. You don’t have the skill set of a foreign diplomat. You think it’s hard to keep peace between countries? Try keeping peace with half a dozen 2-year-olds. That’s when the fun starts, folks!
6. You like things done in a timely manner. You’ve heard about the patience of a saint? Well, you will need the patience of an ARMY of saints in this job!
7. You have a problem with celebrating every small step in the process of potty-training. To test this, look into a mirror and say in your happiest, smiley-voice, “You went potty! Yay! That’s SUCH A GOOD GIRL! I’m SO PROUD of you! Let’s do the potty high-five, the potty-dance, AND have a sticker! Do you think you can go potty again in a little while? Let’s text Mommy and Daddy!” If you can keep up this level of enthusiasm for 155 days straight, you can probably handle this job.
8. You don’t like repeating yourself. You will say things like, “Remember, we have gentle hands and kind words,” about a thousand times a day. Also, “Don’t lick that.” That gets said a lot too. Come to think of it, that gets said the most.
9. You don’t like questions. Impossible, there-is-actually-no-reasonable-answer-for-that kind of questions.
10. You’re not reasonably fit. You can test your fitness level by balancing a 20-pound sack of potatoes on your hip, then bending down to pick up another—say, 30-pound—sack of potatoes with your opposite arm. Then sprint like mad towards the nearest restroom facility. If you can handle this without falling on your face or having a near-heart attack, your fitness level is satisfactory.
However….if you are OK with all of these things, and—
You love seeing a child’s face light up at the sight of you.
You love being smothered in exuberant hugs.
You love taking care of the most precious gifts Jesus has given us.
You have a LARGE amount of patience and energy!
Then this is the career for you!